Something to offend everyone

English is essentially any other language spoken with a very hot potato in one’s mouth.
–Ivan Derzhanski

American English is essentially a tool to keep a person from ever being able to speak another language.
–jmallett

Danish is essentially Swedish while swallowing yogurt.
–Mike Taylor

Spanish is basically just a crude form of Vulgar Latin jazzed up with a little Basque and Arabic.
–Brian

Argentinean is essentially Italian spoken so that other South Americans can’t catch on.
–ilvi

Castilian Spanish is mostly your average Spanish spoken while gagging on paella rice.
–Javier de la Rosa

Catalan is essentially Castilian spoken by a dyslexic Frenchman.
–Ivan C. Amaya

Biblical Hebrew is essentially Standard Arabic with a few consonants lost at the bottom of the Red Sea.
–Steg Belsky

Modern Hebrew is the language of the Bible and the Talmud, refurbished by a mad pedant and bastardized by 5 million immigrants.
–Marc Miller

Arabic is essentially the result of a bottle of tabasco flushed down with a bottle of Stroh rum. –Christian Thalmann

Lebanese is essentially Arabic with a French accent.
–Leo Caesius

Phoenician is essentially “business Hebrew.”
–Charles Häberl

Japanese is essentially tone-deaf ancient Chinese spoken backwards.
–Matthew Faupel

Perfect…but then what?

Flyer at the local library targeted at insomniacs, offering a language exchange until 1 am…molt bé!