Being Lebanese?

I, for one, am simply “Lebanese” eagerly waiting for the secularization of Lebanon. Still holding on to the utopic vision in which state and church/mosque are legally divorced, giving us all a chance to live happily ever after…

Tourism?

“Affluent Lebanese drive down the street to look at a destroyed neighborhood August 15, 2006 in southern Beirut, Lebanon. As the United Nations brokered cease fire between Israel and Hezballah enters its first day, thousands of Lebanese returned to their homes and villages.” (Photo by Spencer Platt/Getty Images)

I’ve been reading about how savvy Lebanese people are and how Beirut will rise from its ashes once again. Resilient and creative, maybe Lebanon’s new strategy should be tours to the destroyed parts, at least until the city and the villages are built again.
The marketing strategy would target the adventurous tourist and those looking for something a bit different than the tired old destination hot-spots.

Something to offend everyone

English is essentially any other language spoken with a very hot potato in one’s mouth.
–Ivan Derzhanski

American English is essentially a tool to keep a person from ever being able to speak another language.
–jmallett

Danish is essentially Swedish while swallowing yogurt.
–Mike Taylor

Spanish is basically just a crude form of Vulgar Latin jazzed up with a little Basque and Arabic.
–Brian

Argentinean is essentially Italian spoken so that other South Americans can’t catch on.
–ilvi

Castilian Spanish is mostly your average Spanish spoken while gagging on paella rice.
–Javier de la Rosa

Catalan is essentially Castilian spoken by a dyslexic Frenchman.
–Ivan C. Amaya

Biblical Hebrew is essentially Standard Arabic with a few consonants lost at the bottom of the Red Sea.
–Steg Belsky

Modern Hebrew is the language of the Bible and the Talmud, refurbished by a mad pedant and bastardized by 5 million immigrants.
–Marc Miller

Arabic is essentially the result of a bottle of tabasco flushed down with a bottle of Stroh rum. –Christian Thalmann

Lebanese is essentially Arabic with a French accent.
–Leo Caesius

Phoenician is essentially “business Hebrew.”
–Charles Häberl

Japanese is essentially tone-deaf ancient Chinese spoken backwards.
–Matthew Faupel

Lebanese jargon

I never quite understood some of the Lebanese expressions and words used on a day-to-day basis, I will illustrate my point by giving a few examples:

1) Touk’bourner (may you bury me): I mean if I love you and you do the same, so why would I want to bury you? Isn’t that a bad thing?

2) Wousel (it arrived): When someone tells you to send his regards to another person, why do you insist on saying several times “wousel” when you both know you’re lying since the salutations haven’t arrived yet and since you know you won’t send them anyways.

3) $&@# Emak/Ektak(your mother/sister): Why do you always cuss out the person’s mother or sister, I mean why not cuss out the person immediately? You would figure that if you dishonor a female member of his family, all he has to do to wash himself is some good ol’ fashion honor killing and he’ll be in the clear. But if you dishonor him directly, there’s nothing he can do about it, now can he?

4) Malyoun (a million): Why is everything exaggerated to such an unbelievable degree, why can’t it be that you called you a thousand times or came over a dozen times…Why is it always that you’ve been here a million times?

5) Mal3oun, Razil, Mehtel: Why do you insist on complimenting your kids with adjectives that are not really on the positive side of the equation.

6) Kifa/o (how is) and then the name of a country: If you want to know how I’m doing there, why not just ask me directly, why ask me how the country in general is doing?

7) Yaret (I wish): If you ask someone to do something for you, they won’t say no but rather “yaret”. I mean if it’s something that you wish for and it’s something that you have the power to accomplish, stop it with all the wishing and do it.

Mka-dam (its yours to keep): Why would you offer something you just bought to a random person who said its pretty. I mean what would happen if someone actually accepted that “kind” offer.